Really. If ever there was a time I wish I could call in sick, today would be it. But as you all know, there's no such thing as a sick day when you're a mom.
I have been recovering for the last week from what I thought was going to be a small procedure. Little did I know that a hernia repair would hurt so friggin much. For starters, I didn't even know you could get one on your back. I did and it sucks. The good news is the doctor found it. I thought it was just a lump (a ball of fat if you must know the truth).
My Dr. being as cool as she is caught it right away. She said, "we can just go in there and stitch it right up. It's an easy surgery, done with Lapriscopy (an eansie weensie camera)". She failed to mention that she had to blow me up like a balloon to insert this small miracle of modern science. So what was pain in a small area of my back, has now been transformed into pain in all of my back.
Not to mention, the pain killers they give for relief would knock out a rhino. So I have to wait until Steve comes home before I can take my little pink friend (aka Darvocet). Oh yeah, and guess what else, no lifting anything over 5 pounds. FOR 4 WEEKS! HA! HA! HA! Yeah, I thought that was funny too. How the hell can I follow orders like those? You're right. I can't. No mom can.
Isn't it always the case too, that when you feel awful your kids choose that moment to shine. It's like they can smell your weakness. Or is it just mine?
I have never had to put Sean in Time Out as often as this last week. Not to mention the fact that he would pull the old 'limp noodle' trick because he knew I wasn't supposed to pick him up. I also, had to change a record number of diapers this week because, of course, Sean had diarrhea. He probably freaked when he heard mommy had a boo boo. What? Mommy? No. Never. It was probably too much for his little clingy self to deal with.
I've been trying to do what the Dr. ordered hoping that each day will be a little better, but it's hard to try and take it easy. Today, for example, Emma accidentally sprayed Listerine in her eyes. Yup, the little mouth freshener, really good for your mouth, not so good for your eyes. What did I do? Picked her up (36 pounds) and rushed her to the bathroom, flushed her eyes and carried her for another half hour till they no longer smelled minty and she stopped crying.
I was in so much pain by the end of today that I broke down and said "I need help" (there's nothing I hate more than asking for help). Steve means well, but I swear, sometimes I just wanna slap him when he says things like "you shouldn't have carried Emma so much today". Did you not hear that the child sprayed Listerine in her eyes? What was I supposed to do? Leave her on the floor?
I know that this is just temporary and that the end results will be well worth these last few days of discomfort. At the same time, I can't help but think that getting old sucks. I'm sure that if this had happened ten years ago I'd probably be out dancing the Macarena by now. Oh, yeah, did I mention, she found another hernia on the other side, so I'll have to do it all over again. Yippee.